The online dating profile photo was my first clue.
Mr.. Wonderful, with salt and pepper hair and movie star smile looks up at you from the computer screen in a photo that screams "I'm a former eagle scout. Trust me!"
That was enough to raise the hackles on the back of my neck. I mean, Mr. Puppy Dog Eyes send a wink to me. That's not consistent image of the real men who respond to my profile, who channels Emeril or Santa Claus. But since his profile said he lived in Nashville, one can dream, so I sent him an email.
Here's his response:
"Hello Janet
I am overwhelmed to hear from you , you seem to be a nice person to me, i am just new here on the site , and it will be great if i get to know you better ,, so tell me me how long have you been single and how long have you been here on the site?
Hope to hear from you soon
Donald"
Mr. "I'm a good kisser too" was overwhelmed to hear from me! A little girlish thrill went up my spine as I looked at his picture and smiled.
"Overwhelmed to see me." The outer edges of my smile were dropped like a rock off a cliff. "Wait a minute," I'm coming back to reality. "If he's Mr. Wonderful, why is he overwhelmed with me Ms. Gawky Nerd? There must be something bad wrong here."
Oh, yes. That was clue number two, but the profile home of Nashville still gave me blind hope.
So I wrote him this.
"Hi Donald,
Thank you for your nice email.
My husband died about 18 months ago. He had a stroke eight years ago and was paralyzed on one side and couldn't talk and I took care of him until he died. I'm just getting back in the dating pool after all that.
I've been online since September and met some nice people, so I'm not the only one. I get a lot of scammers hitting on me, so I hope you are a real person.
I'm a lawyer for the state and work in aging.
So what about you?
Janet"
His reply:
"Hello Janet
Sorry to hear that about your husband , well i am just new here on the site and hope to find the right person for me. you can ask me anything you want to know about me, i really want to get to know you better
Donald"
See, Geppetto! Pinocchio is a real boy! He responded to my comments regarding my husband. That means he's real. He would never lie! Just look at that perfect nose on his profile picture. And besides, it's on the internet, so it's got to be real!
So I write:
"Hi Donald,
Thank you. I see on your profile that you are a widower. what happen?, Do you have kids? Are you from Nashville? I'm a native, living in my hometown. Where do you work?
That's a start. Tell me your story.
Janet"
His replay:
"Hi Janet
i am a little bit busy at work ,, can you write your email and i will message when i am a little bit free .. i also want to get to know you better , i really don't stay on the site much longer"
Clue Three: The run-around.
He can't talk right but give your personal info and he'll get back with you. That always brings me back to earth. Then confirmation by reviewing the inconsistencies. He's new to the site, according the email one and getting off the site according to the last. The use of the lower case i for the personal pronoun is a biggie that I should have recognized in all of them. I also spot the use of commas instead of periods and file it under another early warning alarm. A fellow online dater tells me that they are all widowers, as well.
So how did I end it? I didn't respond. I didn't want to waste one more minute on a scammer. There are real men online.
Let's summarize how to spot scammers:
1. Model good looks
2. Most likely a widower
3. Who is seeking that one special woman
3. Uses over the top language (Overwhelm) or ALL CAPS to express their feelings
4. Wants personal email and phone number right away
5. Uses lower case i for the personal pronoun I
6. Uses lots of commas instead of periods
If this sounds like anybody you know, stop talking to them. They are scammers. Or if you enjoy playing the fairy tale, just remember to hang on to your money, when he asks for it. Your little green friends don't want to go to a scammer; they want to stay with you.
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