The drought continues

Nobody is looking.

Well, nobody but me because I keep looking at my empty inbox. It's like even the scammers took off for Christmas.

That's ok. I was wondering how I would feel about a man who was working the online dating scene over Christmas dinner. I didn't get the opportunity to see, because, the don't It's the Christmas drought!

But Match.com keeps sending me email to keep my hope up and subscription going that January 3 is the busiest day for online dating .How can that be? January 3 falls on a Sunday. There's football on Sunday.  Are they going to be binge winking during the commercials?

Maybe its in with New Year's resolutions.

1. Go to the gym.
2. Read Pulitzer Prize winning fiction
3. Get online to find a girlfriend

And since it is a buyer's market for men, you have to expect their deal breakers.  And just like with women, it can be anything.

One man cut me off after he found out that I ate leftovers.

The conversation was rolling because he liked to talk about food and eating out. I was pumped. This was going to be fun.  He was planning the date. We were going to eat at Chili's. We were going to start with the Southwestern egg rolls and move on to the prime rib fajitas and talk about food. Then, he said something that ended in him saying that he didn't eat leftovers.

"Oh, I do," I said, picturing the leftover chicken in my fridge.

"I guess I should eat them." His enthusiasm dropped off a cliff.

How was I going to repair this damage?

"Well, some things are better the next day, like lasagna." Wrong answer!

I was leaving town, so I knew the date would be at a later time. "I'll call you in two weeks," he said. "A week from this Monday."

This is manspeak for "I'll never go out with a woman who asks for a doggie bag."

Next!

Christmas Dating

It's Christmastime and 've got nothing going onto check out the lights with me.

It's the off season in dating and nobody is talking. Not even the hot prospects that I had a week ago.

There was a date with a nurse that ended in a little kiss. That was hopeful. And I had Plan B in the bull pen, ready to sub, because those phone calls were going great. I thought things were rolling along.

Then I went out of town.

When I came back, I sent out "Honey, I'm home!" texts and neither one responded.

What happened in four days?

The general consensus of all the ladies I know...Christmas.

"They don't want to date you at Christmas because they don't  want to buy a gift," said a co-worker. "And they won't date you at New Year's because it look serious."

What's a girl with no love life to do during a two week hiatus of online flirting?

Why, go to a Christmas party, of course.

I managed to snag an invitation to a party with three single men who were unattached. I wondered how I would manage flirting the old school of face to face. I mean, there were three. They couldn't all be horrible, could they?

Bachelor Number One had all the charm of lint. You know, kind of harmless but annoying? It was another voice thing, but this time low, slow and monotone. All I could hear was unintelligible "blah, blah, blah" as I fled to Bachelor Number Two.

Bachelor Number Two was a lawyer.  I was excited. We have something in common.

I didn't even mind his drunken rendition of Jingle Bells.

But he did the unforgiveable. He cheated at Dirty Santa. He looked in all the presents and chose the best one. It pissed off the whole church group. We wanted to take him out back and stomp him. The ladies at work were ready to kick his butt just hearing about it. You don't cheat at Dirty Santa. So, . who's next?

Oh, yes! Bachelor Number 3. Tall, good looking with dark full hair, white at the temples, permanent smile and charm to spare. So why was my sister dragging me away?

"Money problems," she whispered.

Strike Three!

Ok.

I wasn't ready to throw in the towel at Match.com. A few weeks ago, I winked at a profile Alboy, and I was notified that he viewed my profile. There was no response, so no problem. The next day, I saw that Alboy visited my profile again.

He wanted another look. No response. No problem.

Then he looked again. And again. And everyday for weeks. What's up with that?

I sent him a "shit or get off the pot" email.

Hi. My name is Janet. If you want to chat, send an email.

He got off the pot. Until he climbed back on, one week later. Yes, Alboy is back with his daily check of my profile. So I do have something going on. I'm not sure what it is, but it's going on.

Just in time for Christmas.

Younger men

I'm being punished by the Online Dating Gods for rejecting Gomer Pyle.

I haven't had a wink in days, even after I expanded the age range of my search.  The minimum  range on my  profile was 60 and Mr. Pyle pointed out that he was younger than my profile search.

That means...

I can go younger!

Myth busted! There are some men who go for women their own age or older.

 I dropped that  puppy to 55 and up right away. It's hard enough to find real men online, without screening them out.

Although, I email from men as young as 28 do find their way to my inbox.

Mr. Younger than my Baby Boy: Hi gorgeous! How are you?

Bless his heart, his profile phot that was shot from below just emphasized his baby face and a smile as big as a half moon. He kind of reminded me of a chubby, grown up Urkel. My son looked at his photo and said, "As long as I don't have to call him Daddy."

I was in mommy mode. "I don't want to hurt his feelings" I thought, "I'll answer him that he was too young." But that left the door open for argument and I wanted to be clear that the answer was not happening in this lifetime. So, I ignored him. Some things don't need to be encouraged with a response.

I had a feeling he would be persistent.  A couple of weeks later, I saw his shining face was beaming from my inbox.

Mr. Younger than my Baby Boy:    Ready..whenever you are

There's not enough liquor in Goodlettsville that would make me ready for butterball Urkel.

I've also chatted with a 40-year-old engineer. He was hot enough to be a scammer. But he was either  an awkward nerd who didn't know how converse or he was too busy playing World of Warcraft to  fully answer my questions.

He was new to the area and new to Match.com and didn't know anybody. Since his age fell in the middle of my children's age brackets, when he was non-responsive to any of my questions, I immediately felt like I was talking to my own kids. And that's when the mommy urges came. "Awe, he would fit in good here. My son is studying engineering and his best bud is an engineer. Awe, he could come over and play WOW while I bake cookies!"

Now, what kind of brain fart was that? I pulled myself back to reality in a Nano second. Not in this life time. Not in anybody's lifetime. So I stopped emailing.

And a couple of weeks later, he's back.

Mr. You had Potential: XXX-XXX-XXXX is my number if you'd like to text.

You couldn't keep up the conversation the first time, buddy.

Next!

The voice

His profile picture showed a  good looking man, with silver hair and a tan that you get from being outside. Another photo showed him next to a beautiful creek and yet another with his kids. And he was an accountant!

I winked...

...and he winked.

Then he sent me an email.

It was cool. We exchanged a few more email which included this little gem.

Re: Good evening! We...

I have many memories in that park ....... I've been to the winery in Jamestown, but I don't think I've been to the park. Ever been Eagle hunting at Reelfoot? And I love the mountains, any time of the year. I like searching for and trying new recipes. And even shopping!

Ok, so this man is into wineries, mountains and eagles. I can see us cuddled together in front of a mountain chalet, sipping wine and on our weekend trip to view eagles.

And he cooks!

Oh, yeah. I can feel his arm around me, as we're strolling around Reelfoot Lake.

Yes, his... What color are his eyes? Blue. They can be blue today. His blue eyes looking deep into mine. He's telling me something. He's whispering in my ear. What's that, honey?

What does he sound like? What does an outdoorsy kind of manly man sound like when he's whispering in my ear? A raspy purr, something in the Clint Eastwood, "Bridges of Madison County" telling me...

"Things change. They always do, it's one of the things of nature." (Robert Kincaid to Francesca in The Bridges of Madison County)

And he's sweet. He posted this the next morning.

I hope you have a...

I hope you have a great day!!

It was definitely Clint.

Oh, yes. This was promising.

So he finally calls. I see the number. I pick up the phone and I hear...

...Gomer Pyle.

Surprise, surprise!

Actually Gomer sound a little more urban than this guy.

His high pitched voice  that back country  rhythm that would rival Andy Griffith's  Ernest T. Bass as to what lets call extreme southern, found mostly in the extreme rural areas in Tennessee. it's the kind of place that is what we call, the middle of no where. And that is where this accent...this voice,  needed to stay.

I tried to muscle through it. The conversation was good, he made me laugh. But I couldn't get past the voice.  I couldn't. I can't.

We're not clicking. Sorry.

If I'm going to be with someone, I can't be having them chew on a sock the whole date.

Next.

Are there any real men online? More scammers

The quiet was deafening.

The minute I took the word "widow" off my profile, the traffic dropped so much that I was beginning to feel unloved until I slapped that foolishness out of my head. I don't want to be the belle of the scammer ball. My goal is to meet a real man, in the sense that he actually exists.  And since he is so rare, that seems to be the only deal breaker that isn't fluid.

But, it's no wonder women fall prey to dating scams. They make so much noise that it's hard to ignore it all the time. Especially since they are the ones who give you the most instant gratification. Good looks, smooth talk and persistence.

Especially persistence. As good as my defenses are, a scammer still gets through every now and then. I was being dense for a while, thinking that those pop-up notices at the bottom of your online dating search screen weren't all from the Match.com. Match has a pop-up that notifies you that someone wants to email you or chat. It's just a more efficient way for the scammers to engage because it's an  immediate connection.,

I was sucked into one conversation because the profile said Nashville and, of course, the guy in the photo was smokin'.

Me: So are you from Nashville?

Mr. Trust Me, I'm Hot: Yes, but do you mind telling me why you want to know? (First clue)

Me: Nashville has a lot of transplants. So what part of Nashville do you live?

This is a hard question. They aren't trained to Google map Nashville and find a street. Or maybe they do, but in true scammer fashion, have to change it just a little, just to be confusing.

Mr.. Trust Me I'm Hot: Norton Street

I cut off the conversation right there, despite his little pop-up cries of "Janet. Are you there?" For one thing, decent scammer would know that we are talking about neighborhoods, so to tell me Norton Street means you don't know anything about the most common of all denominators; rush hour gridlock.

And a Google search was the final nail in the coffin.

Nashville has a Norton Avenue, not a Norton Street.


Here's a chat with another who got by my initial screening.

Hi Pretty

My name is FrankYour profile really caught my attention and i most confess you are such a beautiful chamring woman i am really interested in getting to know you
we never know we could be a match."im an engineer nice to meet you Janet if you dont mind can i have your email address so we can share more about each other better on there

Sigh. My response?

No. Have a good day.

Now, why did I say that?  Why did I feel the need to be polite when signing off with a scammer? I can only pray that this scammer is not making his quota of contacts and discussions, didn't get any money wired to him and is having the crappiest day of his life.

How doe "piss off " sound?

Online Dating Scammers Part 3

Widows are a target for scammers.

Every widow I know welcomed me into the club with this bit of advice. People think all widows have a big life insurance settlement just begging to be spent, they said. Don't let them spend if for you.

The scammer seems dominate the online dating scene for me. I don't think I have a lot of real men who respond to me. And when they do, well, you be the judge.

         Hey I'm Dustin how are you doing
or

 Thanks for your message.. i would love to get to know you if you dont mind send me your email address so we can get to know each other ..Frank

If you guessed the top was the scammer, you need to go back and review.

I also got this one.

Hello, I'm sorry to disturb you as a lady. My name is Kim. I don't know how to say this but my Boss seems to like your profile (smile) and all you wrote. I was talking him into online dating, while taking him through the process I decided to show him how to search single ladies here on . Apparently your profile came up in his search criteria and he was really intrigued by your profile.. His name is Samuel and he's 62, he currently lives in Reno, Nevada. From what he said, you are the only woman that caught his attention and he compliments your pretty photo and remarkable profile. I'm not trying to paint him good but you could give this a try. I'm doing this because I believe in love and we never can tell where and when it would happen, that leap of faith is all that is needed. He is widowed, lost his wife to colon cancer 5 years ago and now just getting back into dating and doesn't like the bar scene, he has a son and Works as a Private International Building Engineer/Contractor. From a lady to a lady I ask that you give it a try, he is an awesome guy also very handsome. Do write him at samuelnicholas38 AT yahoo. com . We never know if we don't try. To view photos of Samuel please copy and paste this link in your browser: http://goo.gl/UjHXPa Kim.

I'm sorry, but I looked at myself in the mirror this morning. There was not one thing looking back at me that would make someone fly in from Nevada without dollar bills attached. And my little green friends are staying with me.

It is incredibly hard to sort through all the crap. Why, the man of my dreams, good looking, wealthy accountant in Gallatin, responded to an email with this.

         Hi Miss Janet, Would you care to talk via phone sometime this weekend? Joe

I checked his profile photos again.  There was a "I can afford to go to the beach picture", a "I can look straight into the camera and look hot" picture. And a tux picture that's not at a wedding.  You bet your hot tamale that I'll talk to you! And I gave him my number.

I checked the data. He read it at 4:13 p.m. Hot dog! Then, at 4:26 p.m. I get a text on my phone asking me to download something. Coincidence? I don't think so, especially since its 24 hours and I haven't heard from Mr. Wonderful yet.

I still can't believe a scammer called me Miss Janet! He must have been born in the South, is all that I can figure.

So the profile of widow has to change to divorced. while I'm changing my status to divorced, I'm going to review my profile.

Right now it says:

 I can have a good time doing most anything. I'm comfortable in heels and jeans. I like all kinds of music and have a great vinyl collection. I'm a history buff and like to go to different historical sites. My idea of a fun day is going for a drive and finding a cool place to explore. I like to travel. I'd like to tour the west and New England. Touring Europe would be a bucket list item for me. What else do you want to know? Send me an email and get the answer to any burning question you may have. I look forward to hearing from you.

Is it a little needy but not too needy?  Maybe the action step of "send me an email" is too direct. We'll see what happens.

Online Dating Scammers Part 2

Why are there so many online profiles TEXT xxx-xxx-xxxx?

Who in their right mind would text somebody without a little email foreplay? And, if nothing else, it keeps you from giving a that sociopath, who represents three percent of the population in men (and two percent for the ladies) your phone number!

But who am I to judge how people meet each other in these new fangled ways. All I've learned is that most scammers want you to call them right away.

Take Thomas for instance.

Hello, how are you doing today hope good. I'm Thomas,I saw your profile and i couldn't help my self but send you a wink . Would so much like to hear and learn more about you.Am a very fun, caring, sweet, romantic,adventurous,loving and kind man. I'm here to find someone to be happy with, & give all of the love I have in my heart to share with a life partner, I just want anything I get myself into at this time of my life to be the last relationship of my life that would last FOREVER! So i believe contacting you today has a good reasons and due to the fact my subscription will be off soon with no intent on renewal can we do this via email? bs819645//@//gmail//.//com or (901)509-0343 Hope to read from you.. Thomas

He says the reason is that his subscription is expiring. Let me say this. If you are too cheap to pay the online dating fee, then you are too cheap to go out with me. That's a deal breaker.

Nevertheless, his profile says he's from Dunlap, Tennessee's "Hang Gliding Capitol of the East". The adrenalin junkie in me thinks this might be fun if he is a real man. So why does he have a West Tennessee area code?

So I search it and get this.

Телефонные мобильные номера сотовых операторов

По номеру мобильного телефона здесь можно узнать оператора и регион
По России +7 Мегафон, МТС, Билайн, Теле2, Ростелеком и другие, для Украины +380
Для поиска по фамилии и адресу смотрите Телефонный справочник

Say what???? I go back and hit the translate this page link.

Phone mobile cellular operators

The mobile phone number you can learn here the operator and region
Russia +7 MTS, Beeline, Megafon, Tele2, Rostelecom and other for Ukraine + 380
To search by name and address, see telephone directory


It's a safe bet he's not from Moscow, TN.

Let's look at his email for the other standard scam alerts.

Lower case I for the personal pronoun. Check.

I'm Thomas,I saw your profile and i couldn't help my self but send you a wink . So i believe contacting you today has a good reasons and due to the fact my subscription will be off soon with no intent on renewal can we do this via email?

No, honey. He wasn't in a hurry. My auto correct wouldn't let me use the lower case I right now.

Over the top language/use of all caps. Check.

I just want anything I get myself into at this time of my life to be the last relationship of my life that would last FOREVER!

And a new clue; poor sentence structure.

I just want anything I get myself into at this time of my life to be the last relationship of my life that would last FOREVER!

I'll bet you do.

Finally, his email address: bs819645//@//gmail

The bs must stand for bullshit.

NEXT!

Online Dating Scammers

The online dating profile photo was my first clue.

Mr.. Wonderful, with salt and pepper hair and movie star smile looks up at you from the computer screen in a photo that screams "I'm a former eagle scout. Trust me!"

That was enough to raise the hackles on the back of my neck. I mean, Mr. Puppy Dog  Eyes send a wink to me. That's not consistent image of  the real men who respond to my profile, who channels Emeril or Santa Claus. But since his profile said he lived in Nashville, one can dream, so I sent him an email.

Here's his response:

"Hello Janet

I am overwhelmed to hear from you , you seem to be a nice person to me, i am just new here on the site , and it will be great if i get to know you better ,, so tell me me how long have you been single and how long have you been here on the site?

Hope to hear from you soon
Donald"

Mr. "I'm a good kisser too" was overwhelmed to hear from me! A little girlish thrill went up my spine as I looked at his picture and smiled.

"Overwhelmed to see me." The outer edges of my smile were dropped like a rock off a cliff. "Wait a minute," I'm coming back to reality. "If he's Mr. Wonderful, why is he overwhelmed with me Ms. Gawky Nerd? There must be something bad wrong here."

Oh, yes. That was clue number two, but the profile home of Nashville still gave me blind hope.

So I wrote him this.

"Hi Donald,

Thank you for your nice email.

My husband died about 18 months ago. He had a stroke eight years ago and was paralyzed on one side and couldn't talk and I took care of him until he died. I'm just getting back in the dating pool after all that.

I've been online since September and met some nice people, so I'm not the only one. I get a lot of scammers hitting on me, so I hope you are a real person.

I'm a lawyer for the state and work in aging.

So what about you?

Janet"

His reply:

"Hello Janet

Sorry to hear that about your husband , well i am just new here on the site and hope to find the right person for me. you can ask me anything you want to know about me, i really want to get to know you better

Donald"

See, Geppetto! Pinocchio is a real boy!  He responded to my comments regarding my husband. That means he's real. He would never lie! Just look at that perfect nose on his profile picture. And besides, it's on the internet, so it's got to be real!

So I write:

"Hi Donald,

Thank you. I see on your profile that you are a widower. what happen?, Do you have kids? Are you from Nashville? I'm a native, living in my hometown. Where do you work?

That's a start. Tell me your story.

Janet"

His replay:

"Hi Janet

i am a little bit busy at work ,, can you write your email and i will message when i am a little bit free .. i also want to get to know you better , i really don't stay on the site much longer"

Clue Three: The run-around.

He can't talk right but give your personal info and he'll get back with you. That always brings me back to earth. Then confirmation by reviewing the inconsistencies. He's new to the site, according the email one and getting off the site according to the last. The use of the lower case i for the personal pronoun is a biggie that I should have recognized in all of them. I also spot the use of commas instead of periods and file it under another early warning alarm. A fellow online dater tells me that they are all widowers, as well.

So how did I end it? I didn't respond. I didn't want to waste one more minute on a scammer. There are real men online.

Let's summarize how to spot scammers:

1. Model good looks
2. Most likely a widower
3. Who is seeking that one special woman
3. Uses over the top language (Overwhelm) or ALL CAPS to express their feelings
4. Wants personal email and phone number right away
5. Uses lower case i for the personal pronoun I
6. Uses lots of commas instead of periods

If this sounds like anybody you know, stop talking to them. They are scammers.  Or if you enjoy playing  the fairy tale,  just remember to hang on to your money, when he asks for it. Your little green friends don't want to go to a scammer; they want to stay with you.

The chef

My first online contact was with a chef.

He had me at chef. I would get naked for a chef.

But then he opened his mouth and couldn't stop spewing stupid.

It started cool enough when he sent an email saying that we were matched  and did we want to talk.  I read the profile. Chef. Good enough for me. We emailed some, but he stopped contact. I was disappointed because, you know. A chef.

Whatever. I moved on.

So a few weeks go by and I get a wink from him. I know his name, so I send him a what's up email.  He answers that he wants to talk on the phone, so we exchanged numbers and he texts me pictures of the meal he is preparing: honey baked salmon, cauliflower clouds with spicy cheese sauce, a strawberry torte.  There was much oooing and awing from the food porn addicts in the break room.

I wanted to meet him.

He arranged the  time. He'd call at  7 o'clock. I was excited. I had visions of us sautéing vegetables and  tasting spicy cheese sauce in my kitchen. There was a lot of potential here.

But he was late. He set up the time and was 15-20 minutes late in calling. But he was coming home from visiting his former mother-in-law who is in an Alzheimer's unit. He took her some food.  I'm thinking "OMG a chef AND a nice person".

Then he just kept talking " You know, I'm tall, dark and sexy."

"I like to spend a lot of time in bed."

And "did we talk before?"

He had no clue about our previous interactions. I answered, "Email. We exchanged email."

 Still confused, "Did we call before?"

Someone doesn't have his listening ears on. I repeat. "Email."

Then all of a sudden, the lightbulb came on. "The lawyer.:

"Yes, the lawyer."

 "So, what happened?" he wondered.

"You dropped the ball!" I  felt like I was in a bad rom com. But I was optimistic that this is where the girl forgives the moron and the camera fades out as we feed each other hand crafted truffles.

But no, he has to keep talking. "I remember now! I got involved with a loose woman for three weeks," he said.

How much more am I going to forgive to be with a chef? I take a deep breath and chirp. "Good for you."

"Then we broke up. She kicked me out because I wasn't good in bed. Just kidding."

Praise be, he got off the phone. He said he'll call back in 12 minutes. Note, he didn't say 10 minutes, or 15. What is that about?

Since he's a chef, I think that maybe 12 minutes is a point of reference for him, like browning rolls. So he was going to call me back in the time it takes to brown rolls.  Got it.

Then I get a text. He's going to be delayed and will call me back in 22 minutes, which is the time it takes me to burn cookies.

The first rule in silver dating is:

1. If there is anything at all you don't like about someone, it's time to move on.

I hate burnt cookies.

NEXT!

What would Scarlett do?

Oh, fiddle dee dee!

She's sitting in front of the computer screen trying to get Ashley's attention on Match.com. How would the greatest coquette in literature draw attention to herself out of all the other traffic...and she's 59? I'm convinced that she would overcome that age obstacle and find Rhett, Ashley and a whole slew of other suitors vyiung to be her Mr. Right Now. If I could channel her marketing ploys, I too, can have my pick of Bachelor One, Two and Three.

Of course you have to post great pictures that make the most of your assets. The only way to get a shot, sans waddle, is to look up at the camera. Since I'm short, this is the view most men will get anyway, so no bait and switch here. Unlike Scarlett, I don't have a full body shot that doesn't make me look like a Butterball turkey, so I'm adding a picture of my dog, instead. Only dog lovers need apply.

Then I do an internet search using the string "writing a winning online dating  profile" and read one of the many available. It says what the dating site recommends. Think about what you want to reflect about yourself. Show your character. Use humor. And then there were good examples to follow. Ok, got it.

Sufficiently instructed, I went to work and came up with this"

The top 10 things you need to know about me

 10. I work in the aging field. If you are aging or disabled, I can hook you up.

9. I'm a history buff. If Ken Burns is on TV, we can order take out.

8. I like to eat. I'm a foodie and like to try different cuisines like Thai, Mexican, Italian, Asian and Ethiopian.

7. I like to cook because I like to eat. I can do home cooking and anything else I have a mind to make. My brownies are killer!

6. And did I say I like to eat? I'm into eating healthy so I'm known for making great salads.

5. Beatles. Team John here. I also like the Rolling Stones, along with some Eagles, Lynyrd Skynyrd, Tammy and George, Willie Nelson, Conway, Chris Isaak, Celtic Woman, Jimmy Buffett and Beethoven. I have a wide appreciation of music.

4. I like to explore. Going for a drive and finding a cool new place is my idea of a good time.

3. I like to travel. I've been to Alaska, Hawaii and many of the lower 48. I haven't spent much time in New England but would like to see it in the fall.

2. I like to travel. I've also been to England, Ireland, Mexico, Bahamas, Grand Cayman and Honduras. I want to see more of the world.

1. My Boston Terrier, Gipper, gets a vote. If you think you can get his bark of approval, send me an email. 

So maybe this isn't Scarlett O'Hara, but it is me. I want to see what "me" brings.

Thanks to modern technology, I can show you exactly what being me on a dating website brings.

Two winks per 145 views.

Winks, for the uninitiated, are a way for people to initiate contact with no worry of failure. It's not exactly Scarlett level traffic, but, the misters :Check me out" have graduate degrees and seem to have jobs. Maybe my profile is weeding out the scholastically and monetarily challenged. That would be a good thing.

Or maybe they are just scammers. But hey! Jerking a scammer around is always a fun time. I'll send the winkers an email and see what comes back.

Dating in the silver years

"Must look cute every time you step out the door,:" is the first rule of snagging a man in the silver dating years.

I am back in the dating pool after the death of my husband, last year. Things have changed since just showing up and looking cute was all I had to do. A woman in born in the boomer years needs all the edge she can get, as because the competition is so tough.

Statistics back up what we silver women can identify within an hour of going on the market. For one thing, the majority of them are married. According the U.S. Census 70 percent of men 55 and older are hitched, leaving a scant 30 percent single. This compares to the number of single women in the same age bracket. Statistic show that 61 percent of women,  age 55 to 64, are married, leaving 39 percent single. So there are equal numbers per sex percentage wise.  However, the rate for married women drops to 41 percent, increasing the roles of single women 65 to nearly 60 percent of women. This means there are two single women for every single man, so the competition is tight.

It gets even tighter when you start getting picky. That means out of 36.3 billion senior men, only 14 billion are single. Then subtract all the men who are gay, alcoholics, drug addicts, narcissists, sociopaths, whiners or who are on their deathbed it is statistically challenging to get a date. Well, how choosy do I need to be, really? I have better odds of being hit by lightening than to a chance encounter with Mr. Right, much less with Mr.. Right Now.

The dating pool is also shrunk by the number of men who want to date younger women. If you want to confirm that, check out their online profiles where men are leaving the door open all the way down to age 18. And you also have to compete with scammers. They are the ones who are in your age bracket, but whose profile pictures are too incredibly beautiful, sexy and wonderful to be real.

So ladies, we must be our best, just to get an interview.

Must look cute. Must look slimmer than you really are. Must be ready to dazzle on a moment's notice, especially at the hardware store because you never know what kind of hardware you may see while you're buying air filters.

Check. Check and check. Let's see how this goes.

1. Join a club

That's what they say. A basic way to meet people is to join a group that interests you . You look at your life and pick out the most fun part of it and join a club.

So, I found a nerd club.

It's the perfect hangout for engineers and science geeks, a male dominated field. I'm spiking my odds in meeting Mr. Silver Single.

It's a Science Café  that that meets once a month and presents lectures about varied topics such as archeology, prehistoric animals and internet speed...

...and Quantum Mechanics,  the study of how atoms and molecules work.

Oh, yes.  Socially inept engineers and science geeks were as my dream date. Flirting will be a breeze! And if we do have a conversation, living 26 years with an engineer with have paid off, because I can speak the lingo.

And I was right . Lots of boomer aged men, were there, eager, to learn the mechanics of particles.

Now came the visual sorting for disqualifiers. Wife. Wife. Wife. Wife. Wife. Wedding band,  wedding ring, wedding ring.

Gasp! And there he was, like a vision in the desert. Man, with wrinkles... and no wedding band. And he was even good looking in the thin, long haired professor way.  I hit the lottery.

So,  I sat in the row in front of him. I adjusted my seat and looked back. He was working a crossword puzzle. Oh dear. I adjusted my seat, touched my hair, and crossed my legs enough to be identified as someone with un-medicated ADD. Finally, we made eye contact. I widened my eyes and smiled. He looked back down at the crossword.

Then the lecture started.

Now, I knew a little bit about Quantum Mechanics before I got there, so  I thought I could keep up with the big boys. But trying to make sense of what the lecturer was saying about  the atom engines fried my dendrites in my poor little brain.

I kept pushing forward, hanging onto my seat so I could ask my pickup line, "So what's new in wave particle duality?" But my brain kept sizzling from all the quantums and mechanics that it had to process from droning lecturer. By the time it was over, my brain was blank white space. Drool was coming out my mouth. I came to when people started getting up to leave.

OMG! There he was, talking to the lecturer. I pulled myself together and found a tissue and wiped my mouth. I was going to stay and strike up a conversation, by golly!

But, he wouldn't stop talking to the lecturer. Something about Quantum Conditional entropy. Just hearing those words nearly pushed me back to the blank side. My poor little brain hurt too bad, so I left beaten but not defeated.

Not everyday will deliver a homerun. Shoot most days  I won't even get an at bat but I'm in the game.