Oh, fiddle dee dee!
She's sitting in front of the computer screen trying to get Ashley's attention on Match.com. How would the greatest coquette in literature draw attention to herself out of all the other traffic...and she's 59? I'm convinced that she would overcome that age obstacle and find Rhett, Ashley and a whole slew of other suitors vyiung to be her Mr. Right Now. If I could channel her marketing ploys, I too, can have my pick of Bachelor One, Two and Three.
Of course you have to post great pictures that make the most of your assets. The only way to get a shot, sans waddle, is to look up at the camera. Since I'm short, this is the view most men will get anyway, so no bait and switch here. Unlike Scarlett, I don't have a full body shot that doesn't make me look like a Butterball turkey, so I'm adding a picture of my dog, instead. Only dog lovers need apply.
Then I do an internet search using the string "writing a winning online dating profile" and read one of the many available. It says what the dating site recommends. Think about what you want to reflect about yourself. Show your character. Use humor. And then there were good examples to follow. Ok, got it.
Sufficiently instructed, I went to work and came up with this"
The top 10 things you need to know about me
10. I work in the aging field. If you are aging or disabled, I can hook you up.
9. I'm a history buff. If Ken Burns is on TV, we can order take out.
8. I like to eat. I'm a foodie and like to try different cuisines like Thai, Mexican, Italian, Asian and Ethiopian.
7. I like to cook because I like to eat. I can do home cooking and anything else I have a mind to make. My brownies are killer!
6. And did I say I like to eat? I'm into eating healthy so I'm known for making great salads.
5. Beatles. Team John here. I also like the Rolling Stones, along with some Eagles, Lynyrd Skynyrd, Tammy and George, Willie Nelson, Conway, Chris Isaak, Celtic Woman, Jimmy Buffett and Beethoven. I have a wide appreciation of music.
4. I like to explore. Going for a drive and finding a cool new place is my idea of a good time.
3. I like to travel. I've been to Alaska, Hawaii and many of the lower 48. I haven't spent much time in New England but would like to see it in the fall.
2. I like to travel. I've also been to England, Ireland, Mexico, Bahamas, Grand Cayman and Honduras. I want to see more of the world.
1. My Boston Terrier, Gipper, gets a vote. If you think you can get his bark of approval, send me an email.
So maybe this isn't Scarlett O'Hara, but it is me. I want to see what "me" brings.
Thanks to modern technology, I can show you exactly what being me on a dating website brings.
Two winks per 145 views.
Winks, for the uninitiated, are a way for people to initiate contact with no worry of failure. It's not exactly Scarlett level traffic, but, the misters :Check me out" have graduate degrees and seem to have jobs. Maybe my profile is weeding out the scholastically and monetarily challenged. That would be a good thing.
Or maybe they are just scammers. But hey! Jerking a scammer around is always a fun time. I'll send the winkers an email and see what comes back.
